eBusiness Weekly
Chipo Sabeta
An increasing number of business executives and men in general are taking time to travel, but the sad thing is they also tend to leave their spouses behind.
It may be possible that your partner just thinks he or she doesn’t want to travel, but there are varying reasons why men in particular leave their wives behind.
People have expressed different views on why spouses are left behind.
There are multitudes of reasons why men don’t show up for a public meeting, gathering or workplace banquets with their spouses.
While many men would want to attribute this to the hectic lifestyle of a house-wife and household duties, some reveal that they are embarrassed by their spouses’ poor grooming, bad etiquette, body structure, poor make-up among other things.
Often, we have seen men going on vacation without their wives so that they can explore. At times the “boys” trip could end up with mistresses or small houses.
Public Functions and Banquets
Some men think their wives will mess up their conversations with workmates, fellow businesspeople or with clients.
One other possibility, although perhaps improbable, is that some couples may have a private deal and do not want to expose their wives to the public.
However, realistic issues are to do with punctuality, grooming and etiquette.
There are times when your partner unintentionally embarrasses you. This is largely attributed to etiquette. Our speech defines us, so one must take time to choose words carefully. Unfortunately, some wives who are not well exposed might end up overdoing things.
Or maybe, you are with professional workmates and your spouse tells an off-colour joke.
Embarrassing, right?
It is for that reason why a conflict can come about in a relationship. One-sided embarrassment. For example, she drinks too much at a work banquet or get together but doesn’t think it is an issue.
While other men are well raised and exposed to the outside world when they mingle with elite business colleagues, a few can be said for women, who are basically housewives.
JAN-JAM founder Cynthia Bizure, who is into fashion and grooming said the habits of a well-groomed woman are never too late to acquire and women need to begin to work at “ourselves” and be counted in public places.
“Looking nice is a pretty simple art. Knowing the rules of a well-groomed woman, you can be attractive in any status, age and with any physical appearance. Every woman may look irresistible on one day but it varies from one women to the other. Men are afraid of being embraced in front of their bosses, workmates or subordinates and they opt to choose to leave behind their wives.
“But such things can be addressed. I have had clients buying clothes for their wives or taking them to the store. Its pure love and the idea is not to embarrass each other in public,” Bizure said.
“It’s the duty of each of us to look well-groomed and take care of ourselves. It is not a luxury or a whim. Our well-groomed appearance is a sign of respect for everyone who looks and talks to us,” she added.
Holidaying
Experts say vacationing with spouse can actually have a positive effect on a relationship where as black man usually go on trips alone.
“It’s a way to have some time apart, to separate without having to separate. Maybe things are tense, or you need a break, you just need to get away and take some time out. Spending time alone gives you a chance to look at things more objectively, to step back and reevaluate,” said Phoebe Muringai, a chartered accountant.
While it is considered noble to travel on your own, repeatedly vacationing without your mate may signal marital problems.
Marriage counselor and Bishop Nyengeterai Moyo said: “An occasional trip together can result in couple bonding,” she said.
“Holidaying is considered time for fun. However, when your husband or wife continues to go on holiday alone, it’s a high signal of marital breakdown,” said Moyo.
Social commentator and writer Albert Nhamoyebonde, said black cultures are still backward and difficult to ‘marry’ and adopt modern lifestyle trends.
He insist that men are still struggling with backward culture.
“The modern family is in the 21st century yet men fail to marry culture and being modern. They haven’t moved with the times, unlike women who can flip overnight. Men are conservative too. It’s a conflict between the old and the modern world. The culture of partying together and going out in black culture is different unlike in white communities,” he said.
Nhamoyebonde added, “Generally, men in our society are well exposed in both professional and social platforms in the business world. They interact more, travel and yet the wife at home is the opposite. When men travel, they see unattached women and they are free to explore. They will struggle to see their wives in bikini’s. Mind you, the African bodies.”
“But at time it’s just because one can’t stand the person you’re home with and you’re looking for an outlet.”
While it is encouraged to be traveling as a couple, some are of the view that “too much togetherness hurts any relationship.”
It is for that reason some couples do separate holidays to rejuvenate relationships, offering each other the opportunity to miss each other and appreciate what you’ve got?
Tsitsi Zinhumwe, who works for a local travelling agent confirmed that men go solo on holiday trips even when their packages can cater for a couple or even a whole family.
“I have been in the traveling industry for over 10 years and I can confirm that men would rather travel with their mistresses than wives. Half the time, they opt to travel on their own,” she said.
Grooming
Needless to say, we can only speculate on bad grooming as a major put off and that can push husbands to go holidaying on their own.
Good manners never go out of style, but sadly they are hard to find in today’s society. Men are more attracted to well-groomed women. The opposite is true as well. This encompasses the way women dress, how they put make up, their eating habits, the manner in which they walk. Some are also embarrassed by their physical looks.
Being well groomed is not reserved for the wealthy or stylish. Anyone can be well groomed if you put in a little extra time to look different. Self-confidence and being well groomed go hand in hand. You and your personal hygiene will benefit from putting in time and intention to your look.
Etiquette
Practicing good etiquette will change the way others view you.
Nhamoyebonde said one has to practice good manners.
“One mood should never affect your manners. In a relationship or marriage one must avoid the ‘me-first attitude’.
Social norms are constantly changing, some might help you succeed and others might sabotage your success,” he said.
“Throughout the ages, there is one type of etiquette that has never disappeared: showing respect for others and putting the interests of those around us in first place. The aspects are crucial for any couple in public.”
